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What a difference 6 weeks makes

on July 24, 2014

6 weeks ago I was lying in a hospital bed, tubes draining me and a catheter. I couldn’t get comfortable and trying to move up or down the bed was a major challenge. To sit up to try and eat or lie down to sleep, required muscles I no longer had working. I used my arms to pull myself up the bed. Even when I came home getting up or down was a challenge. I couldn’t even walk up stairs. Trying to get to the toilet was difficult and the pain every time I moved was intense.

Over the last 6 weeks things have been getting easier on a day by day basis. Moving around easily for me has been the longest recovery. I still have problems now. I couldn’t go jogging, partly because I’m seriously fat and unfit, but apart from that I have problems and bruising in my lower abdomen. I did have 2 operations so that will take longer to recover fully.

The biggest change in the last 6 weeks is my attitude to switching off and relaxing. Initially I struggled letting go and having others do things. I was constantly up and down as I felt I needed to be seen doing something. I made myself worse. I did eventually stop and when I did things got better quicker. Also when I did stop I found I switched off. I’m a working Mum. I work a shift pattern night and day. I have a messed up sleeping pattern. On my days off I do constant housework and cook for all of us every day. Everything is around making sure everything is ok for everyone else. In between I’m working out what we need next week and what I will cook next week.

I have sat down and watched films. I’ve let others do stuff for me. Despite recovering from major surgery, I feel more relaxed than I ever have. I’ve seen colours in the sky at different times of the day. At night time when it goes that dark blue, if there are clouds there as well then you get a beautiful striped sky. I’ve watched butterflies in my garden, bees collecting nectar, and listened to the girls and the children talk. I’ve had time. Not trying to do 6 things at the same time. I’ve loved it.

I’m back at work this weekend. I need to find a balance that works for me. It will mean not doing as much as I was or letting things go undone. I need to work to live. One of the reasons I still do a job that shortens your life span (shift work), is because of the time I have at home in return. That’s my favourite part!

Until that lottery win comes through, it’s back to work so that we can feed the kids and have the holidays where we get time together. It’s time to change how things are done and have more time to spend with the family.


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