diaryofthemenopause

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Thursday 20th October 2016

on October 20, 2016

Well this is called Diary of the Menopause, so here is a typical day.

After struggling to stay awake last night after taking 15mg of Mirtazapine, I had a restless start to the night. I can’t sleep with the window open now, as I live in the UK and it’s Autumn. It’s nowhere near freezing outside, but my husband gets too cold. This is one fight no-one can win. I sweat like a pig, and he freezes. On the battle of who is the grumpiest and bitchiest due to no sleep for being either too hot or too cold, I’m winning.

The Night Time Routine of the Menopause:

Feeling completely exhausted, I went to bed. The second I start the usual nightly routine the hot flushes start. The fan goes on but the windows stay firmly shut. The second I lay in bed my brain suddenly decides to spring to life and reminds me of things I haven’t done, things I need to do, then just for good measure it starts singing a tune which requires around 2 hours of searching through the memory banks to remember what the tune is from.

You finally fall asleep:

Just as you fall asleep your body temperature rises. Throwing the duvet off you cools you down, but now you are aware the back of your neck is sweating against the pillow and you have sweat building up in your joints. I now wake up completely as I’m hot, restless and angry. This generally involves a trip to the bathroom as I’m up so my brain thinks I must need a bathroom break. Now I’m fully awake.

Repeat the above around 3-5 times a night.

You finally stay asleep:

This will be somewhere in the early hours, very close to your alarm clock going off. Somewhere around 3-4am my body temperature does drop enough for the night sweats to not wake me up.

This morning I was in a really deep dream. I’d finally fallen into that dream state. The dream was so real, I was back in the house my parents lived in when I was a teenager. I’ve not lived there for more than half my life. The house hasn’t even been in my family for around 20 years. I thought I had to be dreaming, but looking around the house I said no, this is my Mum’s downstairs, this is her bathroom, this is her study, this is real.

My Alarm Went Off:

I wake up with a start, I have no idea where I am, what day it is, what year it is, I’m totally confused. There’s a cat next to me and the room is empty. I can’t lay back down as I’m so out of it I know I’ll just go back to sleep, so it’s up and shower. Thankfully I’m working from home today as I’m on call. Even more thankfully, I wasn’t called out overnight.

Working from Home:

My brain isn’t functioning. I feel sick. I’m so tired everything aches. I can’t think of my password. I stand in the kitchen for around 5 mins trying to remember why I walked in, I give up and go back to the table. I’m now back in the kitchen, nope. Ah, I need some food to cook tonight. Fresh air will do me the world of good and may kick my brain into gear.

I walk to the shops. I’m making a cottage pie so I need mince, potatoes, mushrooms, carrots. Pete’s kids are here tonight so I’m out of sweets and look around for what they want. I go and pay and the woman is talking to me. Thankfully she’s about as non-coherent as I am. I can’t even string a sentence together. I feel really rough. I leave the shop and start walking home, then turn around and go back and buy what I went to buy in the first place.

Is the Day Improving?

No. I can’t concentrate on anything. I can’t read a document for any length of time. I can’t even type this in one go.

Noise and People:

When I feel like this I need quiet. I can have the TV or radio on for background noise to drown out other noises. I like working from home at times as I don’t have to talk to people. Some days it scares me having to talk to people as I know the words, or I think I do, they just don’t come out in the right order, or I just can’t think of the one simple word I’m looking for and then I fear I sound stupid. I used to be intelligent.

Most days I’m happiest if it’s just me. I don’t have to be polite, or think of a word. The noise gets to me and eventually they want something from you. Far too much effort. Please go away and leave me alone.

Today is one of those days, which is a shame as in a few hours time I’ll have a house full of people and it means I’ll be clock watching to see how long I have to stay up before I can just crawl back into bed, where it will be quiet at least and I don’t have to worry about anything for a while. Well at least until the night sweats start, the window is shut, it’s not freezing outside, why is the window shut?  How cold can he possibly get?  What’s the song I’m singing in my head – oh what’s it from……..

Repeat Daily …….

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